In my introduction to this forum, I briefly talked about how my wife Natalie gained a testimony of plural marriage, and felt called to live it before even I did. Once I finally confirmed that it is of God and that we should live it as a family, we met a girl who is almost identical age to my wife Natalie. I’m about 16 years older than my wife. She’s in her early 30s now while I’m in my late 40s. At the time of meeting this new girl, it was a few years ago when they were both 29. Her name was Chloe. From the beginning, both Natalie and Chloe got along very well.
Long story short, Chloe came here to visit multiple times, everything seemed wonderful. She agreed to marriage. Natalie insisted that we go off and that her sister wife have a honeymoon and some intimate time away with me, just like she got as a wife when we were first married. Natalie is very selfless that way.
Upon returning after several days, instead of being a jealous mess, Natalie was just very happy to see me. I of course missed her and was very happy to see her too. It brought us closer, even to the point of some of the closest intimacy we’ve ever had as a couple within the first 24 hours of being home. It didn’t cause her to be possessive or jealous, but rather the temporary time apart for several days strengthen our bond.
Chloe, however, started to be jealous. She had not yet moved here and had returned home to start to figure things out as far as when she was going to move, etc. In the process of doing that, she started nitpicking every little thing possible as far as why we had to live on a farm, why we couldn’t just live in the city with her in a different house than Natalie, why we choose to homeschool instead of dump our kids off in public school, and taking little stabs at Natalie to me behind Natalie’s back for doing nothing more than Natalie simply just being herself as a good wife and mother. Chloe would often get upset and talk about how Natalie gets to be with me more due to the fact that she had not yet moved here. Chloe also started talking about how she wanted to come here and take me to exotic places and travel the world. I immediately reminded her that I am a husband and father first and that while a little vacation here and there is a good thing, that excessive travel and expending resources outside of taking care of our home and family would be inappropriate. These are all things that we discussed prior to marriage in which at the time she agreed with, but it was for nothing more than to pacify both myself and Natalie.
In the end, she said she “couldn’t do this anymore“ and that she needed to move on and find someone else to “hang with” who wasn’t tied down to a farm and home where she could have him all to herself whenever she wanted. Yes, she was admitting that marriage was that disposable to her. She literally came into our home, made us think that she was for plural marriage, and that she respected Natalie, but in reality, her purpose was to have a travel buddy to have sex with on the road. There was no intention of true marriage. In the end, she even told me that despite what she said earlier, she didn’t even believe in God and that she felt abortion would be fine if she got pregnant after being with me.
This is a cautionary tale to everyone for two reasons…
1. It is so critical to meet in the correct places where people are grounded in the understandings and principles of Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, dating websites, even the ones that tout that they support polygamy or plural marriage are rarely ever the correct place to meet. It is critical to make sure that whomever we marry, that they are deeply rooted in Christ and principles of responsibility, morality, children, family, and to know that marriage is a sacred covenant that is forever, as in non-disposable. Marrying the wrong person, especially in a plural family sitting is literally the equivalent of bringing evil and destruction into your home.
2. Do not get discouraged. The heart to do things right can sometimes mean that people let you down. But you get back up. You learn to love and trust again. You learn to have your eyes more wide open, but you don’t let it stop you from doing what is right. An experience that negative could have ruined my beautiful wife Natalie and her view of plural marriage, but instead it taught her all the more that what she is doing is right. She realizes that it’s not the institution of plural marriage but rather the integrity of those involved. She said “I know you did the right thing and that we are both doing the right thing, being wronged like that will not be upon our head.” It showed me how much of an amazing and godly woman she is and that moving forward, we don’t want to replicate a bad experience like Chloe with additional wives that come into our home. Natalie could have easily just said absolutely not, or no more plural marriage! Instead, she showed what women who are rooted in Christ, resilient, mature, wise, self-respecting, forgiving, down to earth with reality, and who wish to be dedicated wives and mothers are like. Good women who look to Christ and treat each other as Christ are such a strength to the home and family. They are the unbreakable rock of the family.
To sum everything up, yes, I have had experience being the husband in multiple marriages and practicing plurality in our home, but it certainly was a learning phase and test of temperance and strength. It was God’s lesson to teach us what not to do, and show us what our family should not look like, in order for us to know what a godly plural family can and does look like. I look forward to marriages in the near future that while everyone is imperfect, it is perfect and beautiful for our family nonetheless.
Long story short, Chloe came here to visit multiple times, everything seemed wonderful. She agreed to marriage. Natalie insisted that we go off and that her sister wife have a honeymoon and some intimate time away with me, just like she got as a wife when we were first married. Natalie is very selfless that way.
Upon returning after several days, instead of being a jealous mess, Natalie was just very happy to see me. I of course missed her and was very happy to see her too. It brought us closer, even to the point of some of the closest intimacy we’ve ever had as a couple within the first 24 hours of being home. It didn’t cause her to be possessive or jealous, but rather the temporary time apart for several days strengthen our bond.
Chloe, however, started to be jealous. She had not yet moved here and had returned home to start to figure things out as far as when she was going to move, etc. In the process of doing that, she started nitpicking every little thing possible as far as why we had to live on a farm, why we couldn’t just live in the city with her in a different house than Natalie, why we choose to homeschool instead of dump our kids off in public school, and taking little stabs at Natalie to me behind Natalie’s back for doing nothing more than Natalie simply just being herself as a good wife and mother. Chloe would often get upset and talk about how Natalie gets to be with me more due to the fact that she had not yet moved here. Chloe also started talking about how she wanted to come here and take me to exotic places and travel the world. I immediately reminded her that I am a husband and father first and that while a little vacation here and there is a good thing, that excessive travel and expending resources outside of taking care of our home and family would be inappropriate. These are all things that we discussed prior to marriage in which at the time she agreed with, but it was for nothing more than to pacify both myself and Natalie.
In the end, she said she “couldn’t do this anymore“ and that she needed to move on and find someone else to “hang with” who wasn’t tied down to a farm and home where she could have him all to herself whenever she wanted. Yes, she was admitting that marriage was that disposable to her. She literally came into our home, made us think that she was for plural marriage, and that she respected Natalie, but in reality, her purpose was to have a travel buddy to have sex with on the road. There was no intention of true marriage. In the end, she even told me that despite what she said earlier, she didn’t even believe in God and that she felt abortion would be fine if she got pregnant after being with me.
This is a cautionary tale to everyone for two reasons…
1. It is so critical to meet in the correct places where people are grounded in the understandings and principles of Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, dating websites, even the ones that tout that they support polygamy or plural marriage are rarely ever the correct place to meet. It is critical to make sure that whomever we marry, that they are deeply rooted in Christ and principles of responsibility, morality, children, family, and to know that marriage is a sacred covenant that is forever, as in non-disposable. Marrying the wrong person, especially in a plural family sitting is literally the equivalent of bringing evil and destruction into your home.
2. Do not get discouraged. The heart to do things right can sometimes mean that people let you down. But you get back up. You learn to love and trust again. You learn to have your eyes more wide open, but you don’t let it stop you from doing what is right. An experience that negative could have ruined my beautiful wife Natalie and her view of plural marriage, but instead it taught her all the more that what she is doing is right. She realizes that it’s not the institution of plural marriage but rather the integrity of those involved. She said “I know you did the right thing and that we are both doing the right thing, being wronged like that will not be upon our head.” It showed me how much of an amazing and godly woman she is and that moving forward, we don’t want to replicate a bad experience like Chloe with additional wives that come into our home. Natalie could have easily just said absolutely not, or no more plural marriage! Instead, she showed what women who are rooted in Christ, resilient, mature, wise, self-respecting, forgiving, down to earth with reality, and who wish to be dedicated wives and mothers are like. Good women who look to Christ and treat each other as Christ are such a strength to the home and family. They are the unbreakable rock of the family.
To sum everything up, yes, I have had experience being the husband in multiple marriages and practicing plurality in our home, but it certainly was a learning phase and test of temperance and strength. It was God’s lesson to teach us what not to do, and show us what our family should not look like, in order for us to know what a godly plural family can and does look like. I look forward to marriages in the near future that while everyone is imperfect, it is perfect and beautiful for our family nonetheless.
